Quick reply from self

I know I let myself down, beyond repair.

This is not because, I could not get a better profession, I could not become a Doctor or an Engineer, no. This is about life, about my daily routines. Sometimes, at some stage, no matter how much inspiring words you read, you remind to yourself… at a certain point of life, you will lose hope. You will understand that, living the life as you are living is pointless. Nothing productive comes out of it, no, I am not talking about monetary success or productivity, I am talking about your mental productivity.

Can you ask yourself, what have you learnt today about life? I hope you get a quick answer from yourself, and if you do, be sure to write it down because not everyone gets that quick reply from self.

I wish I would get a quick reply when I ask myself… what am I doing?

For the last two years, I derived myself from making new friends, communicating with my old friends and completely shut myself off from an outer world. I cannot even communicate with group members in uni, colleagues from work… I completely lost my freedom of communicating. I completely stopped dreaming of the dreams I used to have when I was growing up, I can feel my body and soul giving up all sorts of hope of the success I imagined I would have one day. I will simply take care of my partner and his family in the future, and if we have kids then probably, take care of them and one day, if my God feels pity on me, He will finally give me my freedom. Freedom of dying and laying on my grave with no work to be done, no food to prepare to survive, no frustrations to swallow…

However, I could at least teach my girl to lead her own life, and never ever to sacrifice her dreams for someone else, even if it is for the love of her life. No. Her dreams are of her own only and no one in this world has no business to come in between her dreams.

 

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